Resolve

3 Jan
Walking the Labyrinth created in loving memory of Doris Godinez Phillips

Walking the Labyrinth created in loving memory of Doris Godinez Phillips

I made two resolutions in what I’ll call the dusk preceding 2014. I hadn’t planned to make any. It’s been years since I made and kept a New Year’s Resolution. Even this blog began in the springtime. I mean, who starts new things in the winter? Not me.

Still, the opportunity swelled like a wave approaching shore – and a holiday trip to sunny California provided me with sudden spring – so I held my arms out for balance and spoke into the spray.

That is, we were staying with my Dad in California, and one night after Miss E returned from an outing with Grandpa and her cousins, after I had slipped into my predictable post-holiday funk born of too many cookies, ample wine and that sudden … empty slate … which follows weeks of preparation and build-up, one night during our precious bedtime chat, my daughter asked, “What are your reso- revo – ro – revolutions, Mom?” There were so many answers I could offer. So many.

“My New Year’s Resolutions?”

“Yeah! Resolutions.”

What I understood as she formed the question was this: My daughter is beginning to reflect on her own behavior. She is beginning to set goals and strive to meet them. With the new year coming, and so much talk of intention, she was bursting with possibility and seeking guidance. A model. A kickstart. Something. She was relying on me.

So I blurted out the first two things that popped into my mind. “I will put more attention on my writing, on sharing my writing. I want to get something published.” Her eyes got big, but she didn’t speak. “Oh, and I want to be more active. I resolve to be more active.”

“That’s a good one, Mom!” My guess is she feels becoming more active is the easier resolution to keep. Me? I’m not so sure.

But with her as my witness, I resolved to market my own work and move my body. I resolved to throw myself into trying.  That’s what I want for her, to throw herself into trying, to set a goal and live into it. Which means I have to model that, right?

Now, a couple years into my blogging escapades, I find myself often resisting the page – it’s too cold, I’m too tired, there is laundry to be done – yet once I am here, I am whole. The words arrive or they don’t, and I learn. I untangle knots. I open myself, and I connect. With people. Like you.

This is good.

I resolve to do more of this, and not just on my own safe page. 

I must step out of my comfort zone.

I must access skills I’ve not tried on for years. Or learn new ones.

“What are your resolutions, Peanut?”

She rattled off ten grand sweeping plans, with fire and enthusiasm. “What’s the most important to you?” I asked. She wasn’t sure. She wants them all. She wants a horse; she wants to eat healthy – not so much junk food – she wants to be active; she intends to get better in math.

She’ll focus her efforts in some of these areas. I know she will. Others will drop off her list. (The horse, for example?) Or she’ll change course, find a fresh way to get what she wants, to be who she wants to be.

I have faith in her.

Walking with Mama for BalanceMy partner has faith in us both, and that helps. Tremendously. She sent me into my writing space tonight, in fact, when I was ready to sit down and watch TV. Because I’ve been resisting this page for weeks, she said now was a good time to begin. Again. To resolve. To show up. To write. She may not have used these words, but it’s what she meant. And here I am. Largely because she offered me that nudge. That shove. That reminder of my own intention.

What do you resist as we open the new year?

Do you need a nudge? A hand? Words of support or encouragement?

What do you resolve?

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10 Responses to “Resolve”

  1. Shannon January 3, 2014 at 8:31 am #

    My resolutions are much the same as yours. Add in that I want to read more books than I did this past year. Showing up and overcoming our own Resistance – it’s harder than it sounds, isn’t it?
    Happy New Year to you and your family!

    • RoiAnn January 3, 2014 at 8:47 am #

      So much harder! But thank goodness for blogger, writer, and artist friends who totally get the ebbs and flows, and remind me now and again how all this works. Happy New Year to you and your family, too!

  2. goodfamiliesdo January 3, 2014 at 9:29 am #

    I really love the labyrinth picture. I see so much determination in it.

    I’ve been focusing on cleaning up my diet more as I am not an example to my son. I am also working on being more present (less distracted).

    • RoiAnn January 3, 2014 at 12:57 pm #

      Determination is a great word for her way of walking through this world! Thank you. Extending my hand to you in the quest for more presence. Such a challenge, so rewarding.

      I wish you and yours peace in the new year.

      • goodfamiliesdo January 3, 2014 at 1:01 pm #

        I’ve noticed it in other pictures. She sounds like such a cool kid.

        Thank you, and good luck on the moving your body more goal!

      • RoiAnn January 3, 2014 at 1:06 pm #

        Ay ay ay – I need it! 🙂

  3. Veril Phillips January 3, 2014 at 9:31 am #

    Welcome back to writing in 2014; nudges are good. I want to do three things more often in 2014: listen to music, read books, and exercise (walk, mainly). Your blog helps me see these as resolutions. Thank you.

    • RoiAnn January 3, 2014 at 12:59 pm #

      Oooo – what books interest you these days? Very exciting. And yes – walking – so good for us all! Maybe that’s the right place for me to start, too. Love you, Dad.

  4. debweeks January 3, 2014 at 9:55 pm #

    Your blog post about being ‘present’ caused me to really reflect on my life and changes that I needed to make. Changes to improve my physical, emotional, mental and financial health. I won’t type it all out here, but I’m tackling 4 things in 2014 that will help me become more disciplined and present in my day-to-day life.

    So thank you for that blog post and giving me something to really think about.

    • RoiAnn January 7, 2014 at 6:16 pm #

      I first read your comment a few days ago, and you really touched me here. It’s all worth it when we truly impact each other’s lives. Thank you. Strength and peace be yours.
      – RoiAnn

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